Family Update

There has been a lot of exciting things going on at our house. My brother Caleb is visiting until July 7. We are so happy to have him at our house. He is great and we are enjoying our time with him. Mary Grace finished up her third grade year with all A's! We are so proud of her. She worked really hard and had a great year. Jon and I celebrated 8 years of marriage today. My brother Caleb stayed with Mary Grace while we enjoyed this past weekend together at the Scottsdale resort. We had so much fun! We got a couples massage and a pedicure together. It took me a long time to convince Jon to get a pedicure with me. I think he loved it:) We also enjoyed room service and a couple of really nice dinners. This past year together has been emotional. Jon has been so good to me. He has loved me on days that I was not so lovable. We found out this past Sunday that we are not pregnant this month. While this is heartbreaking I still have hope for another baby for us in the future. We are planning to try again in early August. We are taking a break for a vacation to California and South Carolina. We are excited to relax and spend time with our families. Today on our anniversary I am grateful for a husband who loves me no matter what our circumstances are. He is my rock and I am so happy to spend my life with him.

Grateful

We are in the two week wait to see if this is the time we will get pregnant. I have realized with a little help from Jon that I have to let go and know God is in control. This cycle has been emotional. I think mostly because we were pregnant last cycle and I thought we were done with fertility treatments. I have put so much pressure on myself for things to work. I know that sounds crazy but its true. I keep thinking if I do everything right things will work. My sweet husband keeps reminding me that I have to stop making our infertility about me. It has nothing to do with me. We can take all the medications and do the fertility treatments but God is in control of what happens. Thinking I can somehow control the outcome is crazy and not logical. I went over to my sweet friend Alisa's house for coffee this morning. She was so nice to listen and encourage me. We talked about how its all about God and has nothing to do with us. That is true with every situation. It was so freeing to think about that. I have made so much of our infertility about me and what I can do to fix it. I can do nothing to fix it. I reminded myself that I need to praise God when life is difficult and I need to praise him when things are good. God loves us wherever we are! He loves us when we are sad, broken, hurt, and He loves us when we are happy and full of joy. This journey has brought a lot of tears but it has also shown me how much God loves me. He has provided money, family support, friends to love on us and has taught me to be grateful for what I have.

Thankful

Tomorrow Jon and I have an appointment with our fertility doctor. My hcg levels are finally negative so we are ready to start another cycle. I am feeling some mixed emotions. I would like to say that I have it all together and I am ready to start a new cycle. I am actually scared, nervous, and a little bit anxious. I am telling myself these feelings are normal considering what happened with our last cycle. Although I am having some negative feelings my heart is filled with hope, faith and strength only God can give. I know that on my own I am a mess and so weak. Today I thought about what we went through these past few months and while it was hard I am reminded that God has walked this journey with us. Here are a few things I am so thankful for.

1. Realizing I can be satisfied in Christ alone

2. The people God has put in my life during this season

3. Realizing God cares about every detail of our life

4. Learning to trust God!

5. The money God has provided for fertility treatments

6. Jon and Mary Grace

7. Encouragement from family and friends

8. My mom's visit

9. Doctor and nurses

10. Medications

11. Hope

12. Lessons learned

13. Being a stay at home mom

14. Morning time with God

15. Faith

God has shown me so many things that I may not have learned if we did not go on this journey of fertility treatments. I truly thank God for loving me enough to allow us to grow and learn through this experience. I am thankful I am closer to Him because of it.

Fun Weekend!

This weekend was busy and fun. Friday Mary Grace had a friend spend the night. I walked in the march of dimes Saturday morning with my sweet friend Mindy. It was fun to see so many people supporting such a great cause! Mary Grace finished up her soccer season with her last game. She had a great season and lots of fun. We finished the day with a birthday party for our nephew Ethan. Today is his eighth birthday. Happy birthday Ethan! Sunday we went to church, cleaned house and went to grandma's for dinner.

There was a great guest speaker at church Sunday. He is a writer and he shared something neat with us. He said when he gets stuck while writing he always asks the question what if. He said this gets him thinking. He also said this can work in our life. What if we adopt a child, what if we volunteer more, what if we move etc. The list could go on and on:) When he said this the first thought that I had was what if I trust God. I know that I love God and I long to glorify Him with my life but I did not realize how little I have trusted Him with everything. I know that sounds terrible. After thinking about this I really felt peace that I could trust God and that I do not need to worry about things I cannot control. God is so much bigger then our problems, our worries and I am learning it is through these things God teaches us and helps us to grow.

I will post some pictures soon!

Our new puppy!!!!Meet Lucy!

Here is our new Puppy named Lucy! This is an early birthday present for Mary Grace. Lucy came to us all of the way from a breeder in Missouri. She is a Cocker Spaniel and is the sweetest little puppy that loves to follow Mary Grace around. Here is a picture on the ride home. She has already brought lots of joy to our house.

spring break fun!

I know that when I last posted I shared about some hard times so I thought I would share some good times. Mary Grace had spring break this past week so here are a few of our adventures.

Sleeping late, Daddy's birthday, Aunt Jana's birthday, nice dinners, movies, shopping, pedicures with aunt Jana, a play and lunch with grandma, playing outside, planting flowers, getting rocking chairs, beautiful weather, baking cookies and just spending lots of time together! I am really going to miss having Mary Grace around the house this week as she will be back to school. Also I wanted to share something neat. This past week I read Psalm 23. It is an amazing

Psalm that I felt like God laid on my heart. At church today the worship leader shared this same Psalm and then sang a song about it. I felt overwhelmed with God's faithfulness to love and hold us when we are hurting. It reminds me that we will go through hard times but He will never leave us. I know that I do not deserve God's grace and love but He gives it and fills us up when feel empty. My prayer for myself and others is contentment in Christ alone.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

Update on the waiting!

I thought I would update on this cycle of our fertility treatment. We found out on February 12 that we were finally pregnant. Yay we had three blood test and three home tests to prove it. My beta numbers were climbing as they were supposed to and life was great. I felt like a weight had been lifted and we were done with fertility treatments. This news was even more rewarding because I had responded really well to the medication we used this time but that led to ohss. My ovaries had been overstimulated. I got really sick and gained 20lbs from fluid. This was not enjoyable but it was worth it when we found out we were pregnant. This excitment was short lived as we found out our baby would not make it at our ultrasound before going to our ob. Our doctor told us we would miscarry. He said the good news was we got pregnant and now they know what medications work for us. I thought it was over then we got a call from a nurse who said my hcg was really high they wanted to do another ultrasound in a couple of days. This news gave us hope but that ultrasound did not give us better news. Although the pregnancy would not survive my body was trying to hang on to it. I chose a treatment called methotrexate. It is supposed to move things along. I am still waiting to miscarry but hopefully it will happen soon and we can start look forward to trying again. This news was really hard and I experienced frustration, sadness, and anger. I really felt like we had been through enough and the rollercoaster of emotions was not fun. Jon has been strong and has supported me so much!

I really prayed that God would show me what good there was in this situation. I did not want to be bitter and angry anymore. While praying about this I realized there is always good in every situation. I thought of Jon and Mary Grace. I thought of the unconditional love they have shown me. Even Mary Grace at the tender age of eight knew that I was sad and has been so sweet and loving. Jon and I have grown closer through this experience. I thought that is a good thing. We already had a great relaitonship but I have seen a side of him that I have never seen before. He has been patient, strong, reliable, supportive, loving, and he just really allowed me to fall apart.
I am so grateful that he is willing to go on this journey with me. I will updated again soon.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2